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Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Specialists told 6 basic mistakes that families do while raising their children and provided important reminders.

Children may lack self-confidence, impatient, insatiable, and even emotionally distant from you due to mistakes made without awareness while raising children. Small mistakes such as to do whatever the children want their parents to do, forcing them to eat or comparing children with others may have severe outcomes.

Parents pay effort to raise their children to stand their own feet and be individuals who are successful and beneficial to society. Sometimes, despite this great responsibility and efforts, the intentions of the parents may not give their fruits. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Specialists tell that raising a child requires a great self-sacrifice and responsibility warn us about the 6 basic mistakes that most of the parents do and provide us important reminders.

Mistake 1: “Children will be appreciated more if they will be the silent type”

Discourse such as “be quiet”, “don’t talk too much”, “don’t get involved in it”, “what can you know about it” in society or house will lead children to talk less, express themselves less and feel like he or she is not worth to talk in time. A child who will believe that his thoughts are worthless and insignificant will turn into a person who will not ask questions, do not be curious and do not defend his rights in time. Problems with learning can be observed in these children in terms of cognition. These will also lead them to be introverted, shy, lacking self-confidence in their adulthood.

Mistake 2: “In case the kid will make a mistake and do not understand what we are telling them, you need to shout at them so that he will learn his mistake and do not repeat it.”

Raising your voice, violence or shouting at the child after a mistake he makes may stop the repeat of the action first. However, it will be ineffective in the long run. Also, the fact that the child does not repeat the action is not due to he learned his mistake but afraid of the reaction you will give. This will lead the child to put a distance between you and him emotionally. Children, who are raised in this manner, may tend to act same to their parents when they grow up and develop physically in puberty where his fears will be less towards you.

Mistake 3: “I have grown up in difficult times but I am wealthy now; I should not let my children experience what I had to live therefore I need to do what they want.”

Meeting the needs of children is of course under the responsibility and duty of the parents. However, it will not be beneficial to your children to provide more than they need just because you can. On the contrary, you will only hurt them. Children and teenagers who can have what they want instantly, have more than one from the same toy, receiving gifts all the time, buy the most recent tablet and smartphone models by leaving the current one aside will be people with inpatient and insatiable characters. Thus, they will experience difficulty in many areas.

Mistake 4: Comparisons such as “Look, the kid of our neighbor or your brother study without no one asks it of him, but you don’t even hold a book. He will attend to university and you keep playing games” will motivate the children.

Such phrases you tell by believing that your kid will be motivated and study his lessons are not effective in terms of the motivation of your kid and these are proven with clinic tests. On the contrary, your kid will feel anger towards the person you compare him. For instance, in case that person is his brother, he will feel anger to him. Also, he will feel inadequate and unsuccessful as well as his self-confidence will decrease. He will ignore the areas he is good at or he will believe that they are insignificant.

Mistake 5: Discourse such as “Don’t be naughty or I will give you to police officers, the doctor will give you a shot” will keep your children to be well-behaved.

Such phrases which will help you to save the moment may cause traumatic effects in the child. Children will believe what you tell them. Such phrases will lead your children to afraid of police officers and doctors and will make things difficult for you when you really need them. When you will tell your children that they should not afraid of police officers or doctors, your previous phrase will be contradicting to this and what do you think about how convincing you will be?

Mistake 6: “My kid doesn’t eat; I should reward him, make him busy with smartphones or tablet so I can ensure him to eat so that he will not feel hungry”

In many communities when a kid is slim or relatively low in weight, the mother of the kid will be exposed to questions such as “you left your kid hungry?”, “don’t you feel him?”. Mothers who are exposed to such questions will feel that they are insufficient mothers and force their children to eat by believing that it is some kind of a ritual. Such approaches will lead the children to code the foods and eat in their brains as a thing which is painful and unpleasant. The kid will be disgusted by the effects of these past experiences in his brain when he sees meal every time so that he will put a distance and enters into the vicious cycle. In this way, you will create the problem in which you were afraid of. We want our children to see, smell, hold the food willingly and find the pleasure in it. We want them to feel the hunger and fullness when he is satisfied. Eating should not be a physical action but you should provide the suitable environment for a pleasant, warm, emotional sharing with family members.

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